I was a groomsman at a good friend’s wedding yesterday. Cheval and I met in a men’s group several years ago, and have kept in touch since then. Cheval is a man’s man. He has served his country and his God well. He is one of that rare breed of men who has really been there and done that.

Having been there and done that changes a man. In some cases, it hardens a man and calluses his heart. However, in his case, it strengthened, deepened, and sensitized him. He has a depth and a warmth that draws people to him and soon points them to the One he loves.

I’ve been with Cheval during some dark times, when it seemed that his hopes and dreams were being dashed. It is in those times, times of trial and pain, that we see what a man is made of, who he truly is and what he truly values. In those times, I knew a man who was strong enough to call for help, to grieve well his loss, and to throw his life, his hopes and dreams completely into the hands of the One who is especially fond of him, who says, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

We saw a glimpse of those plans yesterday. I was witness to his marriage. I saw how he honors DeMarquine (Dee), and how she adores him. I saw how her sons respect and love this man, their new father. I saw it in their eyes and heard it in their words. Cheval, I could not have hoped for a better wife for you. The One who does all things well has outdone Himself this time: plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future, indeed!

Mr. and Mrs. Wilson, I wish you well. I have been blessed by your friendship and honored to be included in this wonderful testimony to God’s delight in bringing beauty from ashes, in doing more than we could ever hope for.

Before I close, I have to mention a couple things from the reception that impressed me deeply. First, the toasts showed the solid, loving families you both come from. What a blessing to have your fathers stand and speak for you as they did. What a privilege to hear a son welcome his new father as Josh did. Well done!

Another thing that touched me was part of the DJ’s wedding routine, where he had the married and wanna-be-married couples line up and face their beloveds and sing to them. My first reaction was that this gonna be sappy and superficial. But then I saw what was happening all along the line. Song after song, I saw men and women declaring their love for one another in song and dance, each in their own style. It was beautiful. I can’t get one image out of my mind: once when Dee was singing to Cheval, she moved in and put her arms around his neck and then sort of stretched them behind and above him in an abandon that was just beautiful; it was not a dance move, but a movement of the heart. It brought tears to my eyes.

What a day! I love you, man!

This is my toast to my darling daughter and her new husband: Mr. And Mrs. Dave Giolitti.

Becky and Dave, I am so happy for you! What an adventure you have before you. You have exhilarating mountaintops ahead, along with rocky climbs, and some dark valleys. Through it all, my prayer for you is that our Papa will hold you close to His chest, that you will feel his embrace. That you would each come to really know how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and that your love for Him would grow your love for each other. You think you love each other now, but wait, there’s more; so much more.

You both look so happy today. I know you’ve wrestled with issues and had hard knocks. You’ve wrestled with parents on both sides who questioned some of your choices, and you’ve held your own in those conflicts and have shown an ability to work together toward good decisions. And today your faces show the joy of a couple who know they’ve made the right decision. And I agree. This day is about a couple who have overcome some major obstacles and come out all shiny. You two are right and good for each other. You done good!

Dave, Becky is a great girl — uh, woman. She is so full of life, she is so creative, she is such a faithful friend, she will fight for right, she is so willing to carry the load when necessary, and she is so obviously is crazy in love with you. She has been really good for you! I am truly proud of my Sweet Baby Becky! But Dave, as wonderful as my (now your) Becky is, the truth is she will never fully satisfy or fulfill you. You need more than a woman can offer.  Look to Jesus for that.

And Becky, Dave is such a great guy. He is obviously so good for you! I’m so proud of him and really happy for you. His determination, his concern for your feelings and needs, and  his consistency in seeking your best are so good. I haven’t seen you so happy in forever. (And I’m not just talking about happy here at the wedding.) Despite all that you’ve faced and all the stresses of life, you are Becky Joy again. And that’s largely thanks to the love of this good man. He is a good man and is good for you. But as good as Dave is, he’s not enough for you. He is just a man; he can’t be your salvation. Look to Jesus for that.

So … when I say, “look to Jesus” I’m not implying that you’re pagans or something. I’m learning that the Gospel is about every day, and turning to Jesus is not just about Redemption and Salvation writ large, but about everyday salvation, and transformation, and growth. You’ve both come into this relationship with a past: wounds, memories, and disappointments that are too hard to bear. A good thing is that you two have been able to talk together about these things, and you love each other (not in spite of, but) with all that comes along with having a past.

But the past is past, and marriage – and life – is about new beginnings: first about today and then about the future. God says in Jeremiah 29: “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” My desires for you two are the same. I intend to love you with relentless affection, but Jesus does that much better than I do.

Becky, I have tried to love you as the Daddy you deserve and need. I love you, but have often failed to look with you to the One who loves you best. I forgot that as much as I love you, I can’t love you as much as you need. At times, I failed to look to Jesus for that.

And Dave, as an almost father-in-law, I wanted to love you like a father, to support you, to encourage you, to build you up, and to honor you like you need and deserve. But I forgot that my love could go only so far; that my desire to help and heal is good, but is not enough. In trying to love you well, I sometimes forgot to look to Jesus for that.

This is not about beating ourselves up or about Bible thumping. There is no life in that, and you know that’s not my way. My desire for myself and for you is life. This is about remembering the first things, and living in light of what’s true: about ourselves, about the world, about life, and about God.

Becky and Dave, one more thing that is true is that you two are precious to me. I am especially fond of you, so proud of you, and happy for the life you are starting together.

Live long and prosper. Oh, … and remember the sunscreen … and don’t forget to floss.