dRobinson

"I wish I didn?t know now, what I didn?t know then." So goes the Toby Keith song. There is a conventional wisdom that in many situations, it's better not to know; "ignorance is bliss." But when Thomas Gray penned the words, "where ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise", he was not saying ignorance is better than folly, but that it is less painful, but only for a time. Ignorance, not knowing, is often misalignment with reality. My wife is fond of saying, "Reality is our friend." And I agree. Having our thinking aligned with reality, with truth, really does set us free. What got me thinking about this was a discussion I had about a prayer that the biblical writer Paul prays for his friends in his letter to the Philippians. He prays for them: "That your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you will be able to discern what is best." (Philippians 1) Paul would say, "I'm glad I know now, what I didn't know then" even if, as Gray was talking about, the knowledge is painful. Paul juxtaposes love and knowledge, a rare combination. He prays that love may abound in knowledge. Knowledge is organized information; acquaintance with facts, truths or principles; aligning ideas about a thing to the facts. So here, Paul is asking God to help his friends to be knowledgeable, to be able to grasp and remember the facts, to think clearly. However, he doesn't want them to just be know-it-alls. Paul also asks for depth of insight. Insight is the power of acute observation and deduction; the clear understanding of a complex situation; grasping the inner nature of things intuitively. The objective of this knowledge and understanding is discernment of what is best, making wise choices in difficult decisions. Discernment is understanding; perception of that which is obscure; discretion (wise judgement); discrimination (perceiving differences that exist). In addition to having broad knowledge, Paul wants his friends to be able to use the knowledge with deep  understanding. This is not just a passive knowing, but wisdom that can actively guide good decisions. This is a huge issue for me. Part of the pose that developed out of my woundedness was a reluctance, almost an inability to make some decisions. In talking about this with a friend recently, we both realized that for him in certain situations and for me in most situations, we find we have no opinion. We do not take a stand. Why would a man, who has knowledge and understanding in most situations be either clueless or frozen in the place where those are needed to make a decision? We realized that in my case it stems from a strength and my response to a wound. The that response is an unwillingness (which morphed over time into an inability) to extend myself. It's an unwillingness to place myself in a position to be disappointed, to be hurt, or to lose. So rather than face life with an open posture, I have unconsciously held myself and my heart close. In insulating myself from pain, I also lost much of my ability to step up with a decision. I could usually see the options, but was unable to choose between them with any sense of certainty. Now one of my strengths is to listen and understand others. I can listen to one side of an issue and understand why he has decided that way. I can follow his reasoning and say, "He has a good point there." Then when an opposing view is presented, I follow it, and think, "On the other hand, she makes a good point, too." This is a real gift and strength. It often enables me to be objective and empathetic, even in impassioned discussions. It sometimes lets me build bridges between folks. But in many situations where decisiveness is needed, where I need to take a stand, I might as well flip a coin. My decider got lost long ago. So what's love got to do, got to do with this? Paul doesn't say, "That you may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight." He says, instead, "That your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight." Love and knowledge are juxtaposed here. How do they fit? The word that is translated love here is not our typical brotherly affection or erotic love. The Greek word Paul uses is agape: giving love. Agape is love that actively extends itself; gives itself on behalf of the other; risks for the other. It considers the other's needs as more important than one's own. With this understanding of agape love, it becomes clearer that If I am to really seek another's good, I need to know enough of the facts of their situation and back-story to understand why they think and feel the way they do. To love well, then, I need to know the other well enough to have insight about what will benefit them. But knowing all this isn't enough. I sometimes need to take a stand and act on behalf of another. I need learn to be decisive; having discernment to take my knowledge and insight about a situation and translate that into a decision, into action. Active love takes risks where the potential benefit to the other outweighs the risk to oneself. And for me, this is is a scary thought. You "Type-A" folks will say, "So what's the big deal? Just decide, will you!"  But that's easier said than done for someone with years of complacency -- note I said complacency and not indecisiveness. An indecisive person weighs the situation and is unable to decide between the options. The choice is too much for him. A complacent person may see options out there, but doesn't enter into the process. The effort is too much for him. So that comes back to love, doesn't it? If I love a person, and know that person, I need to be willing to extend myself, to risk making decisions, to act on their behalf. There are times when I need to do the mental, emotional, and sometimes spiritual work necessary to take a stand, make a decision, act. Complacency just can't be my default setting. But it will take work to get there. But in my opinion (I said "opinion"! Did you hear that?) it'll be worth it. I'm not sure what my next step is, but I do have the goal in mind. Maybe my next step is to take a step toward that goal. It is encouraging that a few verses earlier in Philippians 1, Paul says that he is "confident of this, that he [God] who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion." So though I'm not sure how to move ahead, I'll ask "he, who" what to do next.   I'll tell you how it goes. -----------